He says, he is forced to paint. Forced painting. Maybe that is why his pictures looked always awkward and ugly to himself. He is reluctant to show his face even in the exhibitions in which there are his paintings hanging probably as if he is shy and anxious about what if somebody see the awkward and ugly paintings by any chance. In fact, he seems to be shy. Perhaps, those shameful paintings hanging on the wall, in fact, should have been hidden among the paintings that have been erased, discarded and lost.
However, let me ask you once. Why is he ashamed? What makes him cover his face and makes his paintings shameful? Is it a kind of modesty mixed with the feel of lack that he could have painted better? The painter? shyness is different from modesty. Moreover, we are well aware that modesty is likely to become hypocritical bragging. His shyness is not about whether he paint good or bad. His shyness, say, is about the fundamental pictorial sensitivity rather than the feel of lacking this or that. It is not without any reasons that we should read the texture of sensitivity rather than mental attitude of the painter in shyness.
“am an unskilled painter.
Putting my finger on my chest in bed, unable to get to sleep,
I painted your nose, mouth and even dimple on cheeks.
However, I drew and wiped out your eyes always taking on a little smile
a hundred times.?”
From ?rtist?by Yong-woon Han
? drew and I wiped out.?The painter? shyness is drawn in the regret being unable to help wiping out rather than being unable to paint any better. Any painters may want to draw well but the painter? sad confession of sensitivity is laid in the shyness of being wiped out as if it is too bad to be completed. ? drew and wiped out.?His line was certainly drawn to seek for something but it is repeatedly broken, thrown away, erased and abandoned. Does he draw paintings to see things disappearing that he has looked after. If it were a line to seek but is being erased as he try harder, after all, he might as well draw a line that should not be drawn. Why does he draw? He never be lost in thought while he sits holding a brush in his hand. Instead, he paints to stand up clearing his thought. CONFESSION. He compulsorily does a useless act to throw away.
Useless act. However, let me ask you one more question. What makes his line useless act? Even if it is a forced line, he didn? draw it in vain. It may be an inevitable line for him. He just did like playing a game but in fact, there is nothing more serious than game. Kid? play is just like that. As Nietzsche said, maturity of human being is to regain the seriousness he or she pour into the games in the childhood. He drew the line just for fun, but isn? that the reason why his line becomes much more serious?
Simple line, even being childish without any knowledge of rhetoric and excuse and any concern with skill and refinement. To that extent, his line is frank like a fool who doesn? have any sense. Compared to contemporary art fattening itself with tact, his paintings are really poor and firm. Some said the poverty of artist is voluntary one but such poverty comes from throwing away not from being deprived. His line is not to study and build but to throw away and abandon. Since it is line to abandon, his line doesn? know hesitation and regret. His line that doesn? leave out any regret takes instant direction and angle as its wise capital for affection.
But, is painting like the game of love? His line drawn in a hurry(by force) as if even seriousness is a unregretful game always becomes a useless deed. Just like a single word that one emptied out against his or her will after having waited long becomes a useless word that he or she rather not spoke out. LOVE. Useless word after being spoken even if it couldn? be hidden. Manhae(Yong-woon Han) called the preface of ?he Silence of Dear,?redundant words as if love doesn? dwell in expression.
So, we don? call his paintings the expression of intense emotion or resentment. The painter doesn? insist or shout. Jackson Pollock had to lie down on the land with passion, Gogh? passion blossoms as stars in night sky. He is not without passion. The painter? passion is not something to shout out. The black line of his passion, in fact, is just a short expose of darkness beneath the canvas. The painter? passion takes its power from longing. However, it has a kind of helpless sorrow as helpless but useless game. Maybe it is the reason. The clear and sad beauty of his fine and poor line barely drawn sometimes looks like a grief for pure heart unsuccessful.
What can I compared helpless but useless mind to other than pure heart? Pure heart that is successful but cannot but remain unsuccessful. Since the unfulfilled shame is the earnest reason for one to be able to exist by throwing him or herself, pure heart is freedom. Freedom is not devoting oneself. Love is freedom. We don? call love to which one devotes him or herself wasteful. For freedom is bound to, not anything else, dream prudently; the sublime restraint of useless dream that is itself empty. It this the reason why freedom is lonely?
“f love is freedom, you, my dear are also freedom. But, don? you guys
suffer the prudent restriction of freedom with good name?”
From ?edundant Words?by Yong-won Han